IF I WERE SANZO FOR A DAY!
by Complete Sylence
Summary: you get the idea. hakkai, gojyo, and goku get to be sanzo for a day each! this is going to be funny, random, and wrong when gojyo is sanzo! plz r and r! rated for language
1. Chapter 1

**IF I WERE SANZO FOR A DAY . . . . . .**

**Me- hello again!**

**Maddie- HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!**

**Me- That? AGAIN! Anyway, this is one god damn funny. . .thing we came up with on the bus. . . . . . .uh. . . . .ON WITH THE FIC!**

**Maddie- APPLE PIE!**

**Me- . . . . . . . .?**

**Chapter 1**

". . . Listen, Mr. High And Mighty!"

"Shut up you damn Kappa! You do _not _know what it's like to be sanzo!"

"Well, what's it like, Mr. Sanzo!"

"HELL."

"Now, now, gentlemen," Hakkai said with a smile. Goku ran over to the group.

"Hey guys!" he said. "I got bored and your little argument gave me a idea! I made a list of 'what I would do if I were sanzo for a day'!"

"What the hell?" Sanzo said.

"You stupid ape," Gojyo said. "What would you do as sanzo?"

"HERE YA GO!" Goku said handing the list to Hakkai. It said,

1. Make everyone bring me FOOD!

2. Have a **BIG **festival with lots of food!

3. Make Gojyo be my personal slave!

4. Get the respect I deserve!

5. MORE GOD DAMN FOOD!

AND!

6. Make Sanzo get rid of that god damn fan!

"Very, very nice," Hakkai said. "You didn't misspell anything!"

". . . . . . . . . . . . ."

"PERSONAL SLAVE?" Gojyo shouted. "WHY YOU LITTLE-!"

"I can dream can't I!" Goku shouted.

"What a gay list, ya stupid monkey! I CAN BE A BETTER SANZO!"

"YOU ASSHOLES!" Sanzo shouted. "YOU COULDN'T HANDLE BEING A SANZO FOR ONE DAY!"

"YOU WANNA BET!" Gojyo shouted.

"YEAH!" Goku shouted. ". . . .wait. . . .what are we doing?"

"You dick head," Gojyo said. "We are betting that we can be a sanzo for a full day and not screw up and prove to him it is a piece of cake!"

"Right. . . . ." Goku said.

"Fine," Sanzo said. "Starting tomorrow you, Goku, will take my place."

"Does that mean I get the gun!" Goku said.

"Hell no," Sanzo said.

"What about the-."

"NO!" Sanzo said. "YOU ARE NOT HAVING THE FAN!"

"Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwe," Goku said. "BOO HISS!"

"Why does he get to go first?" Gojyo asked.

"Because you're a bitch and a pervert," Sanzo said.

"Grr," Gojyo said.

"This is going to be very interesting," Hakkai said.

"Well, you get to go to!" Goku said.

"Hn?"

"Can Hakkai be sanzo for a day!" Goku said.

"Three days not being sanzo?" Sanzo said. "Great. . . . . ."

"Me? Sanzo for a day?" Hakkai said.

"Tomorrow I am a sanzo!" Goku said. "Now I need robes in my size. . ." Goku looked through Sanzo's many clothes and found robes that were to small for Sanzo, but just his size ((they are from when sanzo was younger)). Goku then grabbed the crown and placed it on his head.

"YAY!" he said.

"The bet starts tomorrow," Sanzo said. "SO PUT MY STUFF BACK YOU STUPID MONKEY!"

"Yes sir!" Goku said.

**Me- that was just a intro okay?**

**Maddie- YOU BEET YOUR BIPPY!**

**Me- WTF? Wait. . . .Mr. Davis says that. He's our social studies teacher, just for the record.**

**Maddie- and to this day, I have no clue what a bippy is, and neither does Mr. Davis.**

**Me- ((eye twitch)) please review before Maddie goes insane!**

**Maddie- it's a little to late for that. . . . .but I still don't know what a bippy is. . . . . . . . . . . . . .**


	2. Chapter 2 goku as sanzo part 1

**IF I WERE SANZO FOR A DAY . . . . . .**

**Me- okay the last chappie was short, but this one is longer!**

**Maddie- you bet your friggin bippy!**

**Me- AGAIN! **

**Maddie- yess.**

**Me- ((eye twitch)) okay then . . . . . . . . on with the fic. . . . .?**

**Maddie- APPLE PIE! YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH, BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!**

**Me- I am scared now. . . . . .**

**Chapter 2 (Goku as sanzo part 1)**

The next morning. . . . . . . . . . .

"WAKE UP EVERYONE FOR TODAY I AM SANZO!" Goku shouted, as he skipped around the room already in the robes and crown.

Gojyo got up and looked at the skipping monkey boy.

"SHUT UP!" he shouted. "IT'S FIVE IN THE MORNING!"

"Ah," Hakkai said. "But it is the next day if you think about it."

"Screw that," Sanzo said. "My day starts at nine."

"Your no fun!" Goku said. He jumped onto Sanzo's back and pouted. "Come on! I'm hungry! I want the gun and fan!"

"No to your first question, get your own god damn food, and NO!" Sanzo said pushing Goku off of him.

"Good night!" Hakkai said with a smile and a yawn. He laid down and Goku stood in the middle of the room, Gojyo was still awake though.

"I'm hungry. . . . . . ."

"I know," Gojyo said. "And because of you I can't get back to sleep!"

"But I'm hungry, you damn kappa!"

"You're a Goddam SANZO now! Git yer own Goddam food!"

"But Hakkai usually gives Sanzo food so. . . . . ." Goku said. "HAKKAI GET UP!" Hakkai shot out of bed and looked around the room to see Goku's BIG smile.

"Goku, I don't mean to be rude but. . ." Hakkai said. "I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!" Goku cowered in the corner of the room.

"You are soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo frightening when you do that," Goku said.

"Ahahahahahahahahahahaha! You dumb monkey!" Gojyo said. Goku got up and walked over to Sanzo's things again, grabbed the fan, and hit Gojyo with it. "ACK!"

"Now who's laughing?" Goku said laughing his head off. Sanzo woke up, grabbed his fan, and hit Goku with it. "OWIE!"

"You dumb- OW!" Sanzo said. Hakkai had hit him over the head with the fan. "What the hell!"

"I felt left out," Hakkai said with a laugh. "I am terribly sorry, Sanzo."

"Your smile says differently," Sanzo said. He rubbed the back of his head, grabbed his fan, and sat on the edge of his bed. Hakkai smiled in sweet victory. "Like I said, my day starts at nine. And if you wake me up there will be death."

Hakkai sat on his bed and smiled again.

"If anyone wakes me I will have to break your arm," he said with a smile. "I will say worry but after I see fit to say so."

Goku's eyes were wide and Gojyo was now kinda scared. Gojyo looked through the closet and found a stack of cards.

"Since we can't sleep we might as well play cards or somethin'," Gojyo said.

"I wanna play mahjong!" Goku said.

"To flippin' bad!" Gojyo said. "We're playing black jack!"

"Since when did you get to call all the shots! I'm sanzo!" Goku said.

"Well, to bad!" Gojyo said. "Sanzo or not your playing black jack!" He dragged Goku out into the hallway so they wouldn't wake Hakkai and Sanzo or Sanzo would shoot them to death and Hakkai would break their arms.

At nine in the morning. . . . . . . . . .

"**NOW** I AM SANZO!" Goku said. He jumped around the room as the others were eating breakfast. Since Goku was going to be sanzo for a day Sanzo was wearing jeans, and a black long sleeve button down shirt rather than his robes. "And now I am hungry!" He sat down at the table and started to eat all the food on the table.

"So what are you going to do today?" Hakkai asked.

"Whatever is on my list!" Goku said. TAH DAH! He pulled out the list and held it up in front of everyone. Sanzo shuddered at the thought of Goku being sanzo for the **whole day**.

Later in town. . . . . . . .

"BOW BEFORE ME! SANZO GOKU! MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I'm hungry. . . . . . ."

"You've really gone off the deep end, Goku," Hakkai said with his usual smile. "Better watch yourself."

"No way!" Goku said. People bowed before him since they respected sanzos, but they were bowing before the wrong sanzo. "This. . . . . .is. . . . .so. . . . .COOL!"

"Ugh. . . . die," Sanzo said as he walked next to Hakkai with his hands in his pockets. Hakkai smiled and Gojyo. . . . .wasn't really paying any attention to the idiot in front of the group.

"Hey, check out the babe . . . ." Gojyo said, looking down a girl's shirt as she bent over to bow to the "sanzo". "Ya know, Goku being sanzo isn't all bad. . . . ."

"Your shitting me right?" Sanzo asked.

"No. . . . . . ." Gojyo said looking at the other bowing girls. "Goku, make them bow and don't let them get up."

"Why?" Goku asked. "Wait! Why should I listen to you! For I am sanzo! NOW I WANT A FEAST DAMMIT!"

They all nodded and rushed to every food place in the town.

"WAIT NO!" Gojyo said. "Don't get up . . . . . .or leave . . . . . . . .where did they go?"

"To get me food," Goku said with a grin. He clapped and ran to a table at some random restraint.

"I know this will come back to haunt me," Sanzo said. "All three of these days. . . . . . ."

They sat down at the table and as people came to the table and placed the food there. Gojyo was upset when the girls wouldn't bend down to far.

"So, Hakkai," Goku said. "When it's your turn what are you going to do?"

"Hmm. . . . . ." Hakkai said. "I'm not sure. . . . .do good deeds?"

"When it's my turn-."

"WE DON'T EVEN WANNA KNOW GOJYO!" they all shouted.

"What?" he said. "I was just going to say, pay **my respects to the ladies**."

". . . . . . .eww," Goku said. "That's just wrong."

"And since I'll be sanzo they will have no choice," Gojyo said with a smile.

"After these three days I will shoot you," Sanzo said at the thought.

"Very nice," Hakkai said. "Well, let's eat before I have bad thoughts."

Later. . . . . . .

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Goku said, "I'm stuffed to the gills!"

Sanzo pulled out a cigaret, Hakkai just. . .sat there, and Gojyo took a swig of beer.

"Being sanzo is very, very neat!" Goku said.

"ATTACK!"

"WTF!" Sanzo said. They all saw about. . .oh, I don't know. . . . . twenty youkai comin' their way.

"We are here to kill the sanzo!" said one of the youkai. Sanzo sat there and pointed to Goku.

"There's your sanzo," he said.

"EH!" Goku said.

"Youkai, huh?"Hakkai said. "And there's quite a few of them."

"Alrighty, then! Who's gonna be first in line for a class A ass woopin'?" Gojyo shouted.

"Sanzo!" Goku said. "Gimme the gun!"

"Ugh. . ." Sanzo said tossing Goku the gun. He grabbed it and looked at it for a moment.

"Now, how does this thing work?" he asked. He pointed it upward and pulled the trigger. **BAM!** It shot and blew a hole threw the roof. "Oh. . . . . . . ."

Sanzo had to use his fists which he wasn't happy about, Gojyo was pissed because the girls ran away, Hakkai was ready for the fight to begin, and Goku pointed the gun at a youkai.

"HOW DARE YOU INTERRUPT MY FEAST!" Goku shouted. "NOW IT IS TIME YOU ALL DIED!"

"He hardly knows how to aim and fire a gun and yet he thinks 'he'll be able to take these guys on?" Gojyo said. "Goku?"

"Yes?"

"Stay away from my funeral."

After the battle. . . . . .

Sanzo had blood all over his hands, Goku was out of amo, Hakkai smiled, and Gojyo grinned over their victory.

"Okay," Goku said. "On my list it also says to have Gojyo as my personal slave! Gojyo, get me more food!"

"What you little shit!" Gojyo shouted.

"Get me more food!" Goku said. "I am a sanzo and you must obey me! SO HA!"

"I am not going to be your goddam slave!" Gojyo said. He turned and didn't face Goku. Goku walked over to Sanzo grabbed the fan and hit Gojyo. "AH! That hurt dammit!"

"Get me food and I won't have to hit you again!" Goku said. Gojyo frowned and walked off to get 'sanzo Goku' more food.

**Me- well that, personally, was pretty well written! What do you think, my reviewers?**

**Maddie- that was awesome!**

**Me- yes I know.**

**Maddie- beet your bippy!**

**Me- you still don't know what that means do you?**

**Maddie- . . . . . .no. . . . .**

**Me- please review! Oh, and if you have any ideas or thing you wanna see happen please follow these instructions;**

**1) write which sanzo you want to seeyour ideahappen to; hakkai, gojyo, or goku.**

**2) thenwrite downwhat your idea is on your review!**

**Maddie- you can make it as weird and as random as you want!**

**Me&Maddie- PLEASE REVIEW NOW!**


	3. Chapter 2 goku as sanzo part 2

**IF I WERE SANZO FOR A DAY . . . . . .**

**Me- hello, and welcome back to 'if I were sanzo for a day!'! Maddie, isn't here today.**

**Reviewers- Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwe!**

**Me- but hakkai is here right now to take her place!**

**Hakkai- hello (smile).**

**Me- Hakkai, could you do the disclaimer?**

**Hakkai- of course. She doesn't own me, Goku, Gojyo, or Sanzo or any other character that might be making an appearance in this fanfic.**

**Me- thanks Hakkai.**

**Hakkai- think nothing of it, but now I must get back to the fic.**

**Me- 'Kay! And we must get on with the fic so please enjoy!**

**Chapter 3 (Goku as sanzo part 2)**

Gojyo walked back with food for Goku. Goku was sitting at the table with a huge grin. Hakkai was sipping his tea and Sanzo was puffing smoke. Gojyo placed the food on the table and sat across from Goku.

"YAY!" Goku said. "Being sanzo is fun! And you said being sanzo was hell, Sanzo."

"It is," he said. "You are lucky we aren't at a temple or they would make yo do paper work, you have to go to prayer. It's a nightmare."

"It's four o' clock," Hakkai said. "We should be heading for the next town. If we leave now we'll be there by nightfall. Jeep!" Jeep transformed and they all walked over to the jeep.

"NO!" Goku said pushing Sanzo away from his normal seat.

"ACK!" Sanzo said as Goku pushed him out of the way. "WHAT THE HELL GOKU!"

"I am sanzo so I get to sit up front with Hakkai," Goku said. He sat in Sanzo's seat.

"((big anger mark)) Why you waste of skin. . ." Sanzo said. He didn't press the matter and sat in the back next to Gojyo which made him even angrier.

Ten minutes into the drive. . . . . . .

"YYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYY!" Goku shouted as he had his hands up in the air. "FASTER HAKKAI! FASTER!"

"Sorry, Goku," Hakkai said with a smile. "I'm not going any faster than this."

"I SAID FASTER DAMMIT!"

"No."

"YES!" Goku said. "I'M GODDAMN SANZO FOR GO FASTER DAMMIT!"

"STOP ASKING ME TO GO FASTER!" Hakkai shouted.

Silence. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"Whoa," Gojyo said. "You have yelled at Goku twice in two days."

"I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo sorry!" Hakkai said giving Goku a hug.

"EYES ON THE ROAD YOU ABSENT-MINDED JACKASS!" Sanzo shouted. Hakkai let go of Goku and get back to the road.

"So sorry, fellows," he said.

"Damn straight," Gojyo said. Goku being sanzo was bad and they were almost killed by Hakkai's absent-mindedness was the icing on the cake. "Just make sure that doesn't happen again."

"It won't!" Hakkai said with a smile.

"Oh, please," Sanzo said. "Spare me."

At the town at the inn that night. . . . . . .

"BUT I DON'T WANNA!" Goku shouted holding onto the crown. Sanzo made him take the robes off and he was now holding onto the crown for dear life.

"GIVE ME THAT GODDAMN CROWN YOU GOOD-FOR-NOTHING APE!" Sanzo shouted.

"NO!" Goku shouted.

"GIVE IT TO ME OR YOU'LL BE PISSING LEAD!" Sanzo said aiming his gun at Goku. Goku tossed the crown. SMACK!

"ACK!" Gojyo said. The crown hit him in the back of the head. "WHAT THE HELL!"

"Ah, it is so nice to be with friends," Hakkai said placing tea on the table. He sat down and started to sip his tea.

"IT'S MY TURN TO BE THE DAMN SANZO! YES!" Gojyo said.

"I highly doubt those robes will fit you," Hakkai said.

"I guess I might as well wear Sanzo's since he doesn't have another pair," Gojyo said. "I'm only a few inches taller than him."

"YOU ARE NOT WEARING MY ROBES YOU FILTHY KAPPA!" Sanzo said.

"HEY! WE HAD A DEAL AND SINCE I'LL BE SANZO TOMORROW YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME THE GODDAMN ROBES! YOU GOT THAT!"

"HAKKAI YOU BETTER SANITIZE MY ROBES AFTER THESE THREE DAYS!" Sanzo said.

"Sure thing," Hakkai said with a smile.

"Now hand me the crown," Gojyo said. Sanzo picked it up and threw it at him hitting him square in the face. "OW YOU SHITHEAD!"

"Ahahahahahhaa!" Goku laughed. "You dumb kappa!"

"Don't make me kick your little ass!" Gojyo shouted.

"Try me!" Goku shouted. DOG FIGHT!

"This is worse than being a sanzo," Sanzo said.

"Hmm?" Hakkai said.

"Being a sanzo, for me, was hell," Sanzo said. "But after watching Goku be sanzo, being sanzo doesn't seem like such a bad thing anymore."

"And tomorrow is Gojyo's turn," Hakkai said. "You can only imagine what he will do."

"Ugh. . ." Sanzo said. "Dammit all to hell. . . ."

**Me- that was the third chapter!**

**Hakkai- very, very well done if I say so!**

**Me- yes. . . it was well done. Just wait till your sanzo!**

**Hakkai- ah, yes.**

**Me- oh, and a special thanks to these reviewers!**

**- RiverDarkness**

**- ZeratheNightDancer**

**- J.Jaguron**

**- Komoyo Minku**

**-** **Son Nuriko**

**Hakkai- so many people to thank for their lovely reviews!**

**Me- and I was very happy to see that J.Jaguron had a idea for the story! But I will not tell what it is right now for it is a secret!**

**Hakkai- can you tell me?**

**Me- no, but it does have to do with you!**

**Hakkai- r-really?**

**Me- it is still not to late for you to see one of your ideas on this fic! Just remember the directions!**

**1) write which sanzo you wanna see your idea happen to; hakkai or gojyo**

**2) then write down your idea on your review!**

**Me&Hakkai- PLEASE REVIEW!**


	4. Chapter 4 gojyo as sanzo part 1

**IF I WERE SANZO FOR A DAY . . . . . .**

**Me- hello! Once again, Maddie isn't here because she hasn't come to my house in a few days. So, once again, I have another cast of Saiyuki to take her place! Give it up for Goku!**

**Goku- I'm hungry. . . . . .**

**Me- uh. . .good for you. Now do the disclaimer!**

**Goku- I don't wanna!**

**Me- to freakin' bad!**

**Goku- grr. . . . .she doesn't- ACK! ((gets hit with random shoe))**

**Maddie- how dare you take my place! ((attacks goku with his nyo-bo))**

**Goku- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

**Maddie- get back here!**

**Me- ooooooooooookkkkkkkkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyy. Please enjoy the chapter! Maddie, watch out!**

**Chapter 4 (Gojyo as sanzo part 1)**

"GOOD MORNING MY SLAVES!" Gojyo shouted in the robes and crown. Sanzo, Goku, and Hakkai got up and looked at the grinning kappa.

"I hate you so much," Sanzo said. "I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU HAVE TO WEAR MY GODDAMN ROBES YOU DUMB ASS KAPPA!"

"Now, now, Sanzo," Hakkai said. "Let's be nice to our sanzo for the day."

"Dammit all to hell," Sanzo said.

"I'M HUNGRY!" Goku shouted. He fell out of bed and ran over to the kitchen, but he could see that they were out of food. "WHAT THE-!"

"It's looks like we are out of food," Hakkai said.

"Impossible," Sanzo said. "We had a lot of food and more to spare yesterday. . . . . .Goku?"

"Oh yeah," Goku said. "I woke up last night and I was rrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaallllllllyyyyyyyy hungry."

"YOU DAMN APE!" Gojyo shouted. "HOW CAN I, THE ALL MIGHTY SANZO, PICK UP CHICKS ON A EMPTY STOMACH!"

"Looks like we have to go shopping," Hakkai said hold Jeep in his arms.

"Ugh. . . . ." Sanzo said. "It's ten in the morning and this day is already turning into hell." They all got dressed, besides Gojyo who was already dressed, and they left for the market.

At the market. . . . . . .

"HELLO BEAUTY LADIES!" Gojyo shouted. "IT IS I, GOJYO, THE ALL MIGHT AND INCREDIBLY HOT SANZO!"

"Stop flattering yourself," Sanzo said coldly.

"Jealous," Gojyo pouted. He spotted a woman with long blonde hair and green eyes. "Hello, beautiful! I'll be right back my slaves!" he ran over to the woman.

"I miss being sanzo," Goku said.

"What a lovely day," Hakkai said.

"That jackass better behave himself," Sanzo said. They walked up to a fruit stand and bought a bunch of apples, pears, and bananas when Gojyo walked over.

"Slaves, this is Oki," he said. "I'm taking her to our place to 'hang out'." he and Oki started to walk down the street when Hakkai shouted,

"Be carful on your way there! There's tea in the drawer on the left of the sink!"

"Shut it, Hakkai," Sanzo said. "We know very well that they aren't going there for tea or to just hang about."

"I know," Hakkai said with a smile. Sanzo rolled his eyes and took out a cigarette.

Later that day. . . . . . . . . . .

It was around noon when Hakkai, Goku, and Sanzo got back to the house from the market. A prefect time to start lunch.

"Gojyo?" Hakkai said. "Do you and your friend want some lunch?. . . . .Gojyo?"

"Damn," Sanzo said. "I forgot the paper in my room." He walked up to the door ro his room, but when he tried to open it the door was locked. "What the-?"

"Allow me," Hakkai tried to open the door, but it still wouldn't open. They heard a noise from inside the room and Hakkai put his ear to the door. He heard moaning. "It sounds like Gojyo is having fun with his friend." Hakkai fainted.

"Hakkai?" Goku said.

"THAT JACKASS IS IN MY ROOM!" Sanzo shouted. "GOKU GIVE ME YOUR NYO-BO!"

"Why?"

"JUST HAND IT OVER DAMMIT!" Goku handed Sanzo his weapon and Sanzo started to beat the hell out of the door. "GOJYO YOU GOD DAMN PERVERT! IF YOU WANNA DO 'IT' DO IT IN YOUR OWN ROOM YOU SHITHEAD!"

"Your going to break my weapon Sanzo!" Goku shouted.

"I don't care!" Sanzo shouted still beating the hell out of the door. Goku got Hakkai into another room and laid him on the bed. Goku closed the door.

"Sanzo, how about you just pick the lock?" Goku said.

"Pick the lock?" Sanzo said. Goku got a paper clip and bent it. He started to pick the lock, but the paper clip broke in half.

"SHIT!" he shouted.

"Let's go along with my plan," Sanzo said handing Goku his weapon back and getting out his gun. He pointed it towards the door.

"Which is?" Goku asked.

"BEAT THE LIVING HELL OUTTA THE GOD DAMN DOOR!"

**BAM, SMACK, BOOM, CRACK, SLAM, SMASH!**

**Me- well, that chappie was a tad short, but if I don't get off the computer soon my mom will kick my ass.**

**Goku- MERCY!**

**Maddie- not good enough you ass hole!**

**Sanzo- Maddie is doing a fine job at beating the shit outta Goku.**

**Me- that's not nice. Would you like it if someone did something mean to you?**

**Sanzo- like they could.**

**Me- (ponders and whispers something to Hakkai)**

**Hakkai- (takes out camera) okay.**

**Me- (runs over to sanzo and gives him a BIG HUG!)**

**Hakkai- (takes picture and hands picture to me)**

**Me- (holds up picture) I have a computer and I'm not afraid to use it!**

**Sanzo- give me that damn picture!**

**Me- NO! PLEASE REVIEW!**

**Maddie- SHOW NO MERCY!**

**Goku- MMMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYY! **


	5. Chapter 5 gojyo as sanzo part 2

**IF I WERE SANZO FOR A DAY . . . . . .**

**Me- hi again!**

**Maddie- get back here!**

**Goku- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!**

**Hakkai- This has been going on for a whole day and there is no sign of Maddie stopping.**

**Sanzo- (taking pictures of Goku getting his ass beaten) a picture says a thousand words.**

**Goku- and holds a thousand nightmares!**

**Me- on with the story!**

**Chapter 5 (Gojyo as sanzo part 2)**

Sanzo and Goku fell to the floor in exhaustion because, for some logic defying reason, the damn door wouldn't open.

"Can we stop now Sanzo?" Goku asked out of breath from beating the door.

"We can take a short break," Sanzo said. "I am to tired."

"(yawn) Good afternoon fellows," Hakkai said now awake.

"Hakkai, why did you pass out?" Goku asked.

"If you knew Gojyo as well as I do," Hakkai said. "When you hear moaning in a locked room and Gojyo is in there you know very well what he is doing."

"AND HE'S IN MY ROOM!" Sanzo said getting a sudden adrenalin rush. "AND IN MY ROBES DAMMIT!"

"Best let him go, Sanzo," Hakkai said. "When he comes out then you can beat him up."

"FINALLY!" Sanzo shouted. "ONCE HE COMES OUT OF THERE I'M GOING TO PULL THE TRIGGER ON HIS SORRY ASS!"

"I'm hungry, Hakkai," Goku complained.

"Yes, yes, yes," Hakkai said. "I shall make us some tea."

"I SAID HUNGRY NOT THIRSTY DAMMIT!"

"I will make dinner as well then," Hakkai said.

"YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!" Goku shouted. He ran into the kitchen and Sanzo walked behind him. Hakkai started to make dinner as they waited for 'sanzo' Gojyo and the woman to stop doing 'it'.

With the woman and Gojyo. . . . . . .

**Me- now, I am not the kind of person to give this kind of info so I'll leave it at 'they are doing nasty things'. Enough said.**

**Gojyo- awwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!**

**Sanzo- you pervert!**

Back to the story. . . . . . . .

"Do you think she went with him by her own will?" Goku asked.

"Maybe," Hakkai said.

"Gojyo likes to have sex with sluts and whores," Sanzo said. "But if she isn't one of those things that means only one thing. . ."

"Rape," they all said at the same time.

"You think he raped that poor woman?" Goku asked.

"Most likely if she didn't come easily," Sanzo said. Hakkai nodded as he placed the tea on the table. Sanzo opened a pack of cigarettes and lit it. Goku drank the tea down and sat there.

"I want beer," Goku said.

"Your eighteen," Hakkai pointed out.

"And I don't give a shit," Goku said. He got up to go get beer. They heard the door open and close to Sanzo's room. Sanzo, Goku, and Hakkai walked over to the hallway and saw Gojyo kiss the woman and then she left. Gojyo was dressed again and he looked over at his 'friends'.

"Hey, guys," he said. "What's wrong with you?"

"(anger mark) NOW I GET TO PULL THE TRIGGER ON YOUR SEX-HAPPY ASS! YOU PERVERTED KAPPA! I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"

"You raped that poor woman!" Goku shouted.

"Now that I am awake," Hakkai said (powering up chi). "I believe I will help Sanzo."

"Eh?" Gojyo said.

**BAM, SMACK, BOOM, SMASH, CRACK, KA-POW, CRASH, BANZAI, BOOSH, KER-SPLAT!**

"I feel a lot better now," Sanzo said.

"Indeed," Hakkai said.

"The woman has been avenged!" Goku shouted in victory. Sanzo, Hakkai, and Goku walked away from Gojyo.

"Ugh . . . so much pain. . . .I hate all of you damn pricks (passes out)," Gojyo said.

**Me- next chapter, Hakkai is sanzo!**

**Hakkai- ggggggrrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttt.**

**Me- yes it is.**

**Maddie- I have been avenged!**

**Goku- (in pain and bleeding to death) help. . .me. . . .**

**Sanzo- no.**

**Gojyo- bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! You stupid monkey!**

**Goku- that's it! Once I get the feeling back in my arms and legs I'm kicking your ass!**

**Me&Maddie- PLEASE REVIEW NOW!**


	6. Chapter 6 hakkai as sanzo part 1

**IF I WERE SANZO FOR A DAY . . . . . .**

**Me- ello!**

**Maddie- ello, govna! I'll sweep yur chimney, I will!**

**Me- (inches away from Maddie) anywho, Hakkai is sanzo! YAY!**

**Hakkai- oh, happy day!**

**Sanzo- ONE MORE GOD DAMN DAY TO GO!**

**Goku- I wanna be sanzo again!**

**Sanzo- to god damn bad!**

**Gojyo- haha, you got told you dumbass!**

**Me- on with the fic!**

**Chapter 6: Hakkai as sanzo part 1**

Hakkai walked out of his room in the robes of a sanzo. Goku smiled, Sanzo blew smoke, and Gojyo took a swig of his beer.

"I feel silly," Hakkai said with a smile.

"You look good," Goku said. "The girls will be aaaaaaaaaalllllllllllllllll over ya!"

"When their done with me," Gojyo said. Sanzo hit Gojyo with his fan. "OW YOU FUCKIN' PRIEST!"

"So, how are you going to waste your day of being sanzo like these two asses?" Sanzo said as he blew more smoke in Hakkai's face. Hakkai thought for a moment and smiled.

"I know," he said. "Please stand in a line, all three of you."

"Eh?" Goku asked. Hakkai grabbed his shoulders and placed him in-between Gojyo and Sanzo. "What the hell, Hakkai?"

"Okay, now," he said. He walked up to Gojyo, grabbed his beer, and threw it into the garbage can. "No drinking for you."

"WHA-!" Gojyo shouted. Hakkai walked up to Goku and looked down at him.

"HAHAHAHAHA! YOU DUMBASS KAPPA!" Goku laughed. "YOUR NOT ALLOWED TO DRINK YOUR DAMN BEER! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

"And you are no long allowed to swear for the whole day," Hakkai said with a smile. He walked away from Goku.

"WHAT THE HELL!" Goku shouted. Hakkai glared at him. "I mean. . . .what the. . .heck?" Hakkai smiled and walked up to Sanzo. He grabbed Sanzo cigarette, threw it on the floor, and stepped on it.

"And you are not allowed to smoke," Hakkai said. "For the past few days you have been poisoning our air with smoke and today will be different."

"You aren't a sanzo. . . . ." Gojyo said. "You're a fuckin' tyrant!"

"That means no woman for you, Gojyo," Hakkai said. Gojyo fell to the floor in shock.

"N-No. . . .w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-w-woman!" Gojyo shouted. "That means. . . . . . . .!"

"No sex for a wwwwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhooooooooolllllllllleeeeeeeeeeee day!" Goku said.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Gojyo shouted at the top of his lungs. "THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING TO ME!"

"Sorry, but as long as I am sanzo these are my rules," Hakkai said. "Now today we will be doing a little bit of shopping after breakfast. Goku, you have the honors of making us breakfast."

"No way," Goku said. "That's your job!"

"I'm taking a day off since I am sanzo," Hakkai said. "Now don't make me ask you again. Be a good little boy and make some waffles."

"I LOVE WAFFLES!" Goku said.

"Yes, we know," Sanzo said. "Now get to it, you dumb monkey." Goku looked at the kitchen and back at the guys.

"But I don't wanna," Goku said.

"Shut your mouth and move your ass," Sanzo said pushing him into the kitchen. Sanzo, Hakkai, and Gojyo followed Goku into the kitchen and the three men sat at the table. Goku stood near the waffle iron and just stared at it. He had watched Hakkai make waffles plenty of times, but he liked to eat the food, not make it.

"I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this, I can do this. . . . ." Goku said.

"JUST MAKE THE DAMN WAFFLES ALREADY!" Sanzo and Gojyo shouted. "OW! WHAT THE FUCK!" Hakkai smiled as Sanzo and Gojyo rubbed their heads. Hakkai had hit him with Sanzo's paper fan. He smiled and placed the fan down next to him.

"That should teach you not to rush others in the kitchen," Hakkai said.

"You asshole," Gojyo muttered under his breath. "OUCH!" Hakkai smiled again, but this time placed the fan in his lap.

"The waffles will be done it a few minutes," Goku said as he sat at the table. Hakkai smiled, Gojyo rubbed his head, and Sanzo just sat there.

"So, besides ruining a whole day of our lives, what else do you plan to do?" Sanzo asked. Hakkai thought for another moment.

"I was thinking of taking the whole day off as in you guys do the jobs I normally do," Hakkai said.

"You mean. . . . .shop?" Gojyo asked. Hakkai nodded. "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Sanzo smelled something.

"Is it just me or do I smell smoke?" Sanzo asked. Goku looked over at the waffle iron and black smoked was coming out of it.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Goku shouted.

"You should be more carful," Hakkai said. Goku opened the iron and the waffle was all black.

"Who votes we go out for breakfast?" Sanzo asked. Hakkai, Goku, and Gojyo raised their hands. "It's decided. We go out for breakfast."

"But wait! I cannot go!" Gojyo shouted.

"Why?" Hakkai asked. "Aren't you hungry?"

"It will be to painful to go into the small town were woman in mini skirts, tank tops, and skimp clothes reside! It will be the death of me!" Gojyo shouted. Sanzo rolled his eyes, Goku laughed, and Hakkai smiled and pulled out the fan.

"You coming?" he asked.

"Y-Yes," Gojyo said. He got up and followed Hakkai, Sanzo, and Goku to find a place to eat.

**Me- yay! Another chappie is done!**

**Maddie- yay!**

**Sanzo- I hate you Hakkai.**

**Hakkai- yes, I know.**

**Gojyo- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! WHY HAKKAI! WHY!**

**Hakkai- it is for the best.**

**Goku- I almost burnt the house down. . . . . .cooooooooooooooool!**

**Me&Maddie- PLEASE REVIEW!**


	7. Chapter 7 hakkai as sanzo part 2

**IF I WERE SANZO FOR A DAY . . . . . .**

**Me- hello! Here is the final chapter of this story TT**

**Maddie- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Pie.**

**Me- yes, I know, it is sad. But do not be sad for another story has come into our heads and it will be up soon! Yay! You might have to read the first chapter of 'Side of A Bullet' to recognize the Oc's we put in.**

**Maddie- yesh.**

**Sanzo- can we move on with the story?**

**Hakkai- yes, may we?**

**Me- sure! Here we go with the final chapter of 'If I Were Sanzo For A Day!'!**

**Chapter 7: Hakkai as sanzo part 2**

Sanzo, Gojyo, and Goku walked behind Hakkai carrying very heavy bags full of food for their journey.

"Pick up the pace gentlemen," Hakkai said. "We have four more shops to go to before we can stop for lunch."

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDD!" Goku shouted. "I NEED FOOD AND LOTS OF IT!"

"I need to smoke," Sanzo said. "This is killing me. . . . . . ."

"Need. . . . . .beer. . . . .need. . . . . . .woman. . . . . .need. . . . . . .sex. . . . . . ." Gojyo said.

"EW! DUDE, WWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYY TO MUCH INFO! THAT'S JUST DOWNRIGHT NASTY!"

"You'll live," Sanzo said. They continued to walk behind Hakkai until a woman walked up to him. "What the hell?"

"You're a sanzo priest right?" she asked.

"_Oh no he is not!" _Gojyo thought. _"First he takes my beer, then he takes my chances to have sex, and now he is taking my woman! That asshole!"_

"Yes," Hakkai said. "Now my slaves and I must be going."

"SLAVES! WHY YOU NO-GOOD-DIRTY-ROTTEN-JACKASS!" Sanzo and Gojyo shouted. Hakkai laughed and continued to head into the town.

"If I could swear I would," Goku said. Gojyo and Sanzo walked angrily behind the happy Hakkai and the upset Goku.

At lunch. . . . . . .

"I'm gonna eat. . .THAT! And. . . .THAT! And. . . . . . .THAT!" Goku shouted as he looked at the menu. Gojyo had his hands over his face because their waiter was a twenty-year-old woman with long black hair, blue eyes, and was thin.

"Are you ready to order?" she asked. Gojyo looked up.

"IT BURNS!" he shouted. "THE PAIN! I LOVE YOU! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Oh, my," she said. "Do you need help, sir?"

"He'll be fine," Sanzo said. She took their orders and walked off. Gojyo placed his hands over his eyes again and tried to calm down.

"Must. . . .stay. . . .calm . . . . ."

"Need. . . .to. . . . smoke. . . . ."

"Need. . . . .to . . . .swear. . . . ."

"Okay, you guys are pathetic," Hakkai said. "This is not as bad as it seems." The woman came back with their food and smiled. She walked up to Gojyo and smiled sweetly.

"Do you have a headache?" she asked. "I'll get you an ice pack if you need one."

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" Gojyo shouted. He grabbed the woman's arm and pulled her close. "Please forgive me for this, but. . . ." He kissed her deeply and Hakkai stood from the table with the fan in his hand.

"Gojyo!" he shouted. He hit Gojyo and the woman pushed him away.

"What on earth!" she shouted. She ran back into the kitchen. Hakkai turned.

"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE EITHER!" Goku shouted. "ASS, DAMN, FUCK, SHIT, HELL, BITCH, BASTARD, JACKASS, ASSHOLE, FUCKER, DAMMIT!"

"I don't give a damn if you are sanzo," Sanzo said. "I need to smoke **now**." He took out a cigarette and started to smoke. Hakkai was about to maim Sanzo and Goku with the fan when the woman ran out of the kitchen with her brother who was tall and very strong.

"There he is!" she shouted pointing to Gojyo.

"Uh-oh," Gojyo said.

"YOU ASSHOLE!" shouted the man. Gojyo, Sanzo, Goku, and Hakkai ran out of the bar as the man and his sister chased them.

"THIS IS THE LAST TIME ANY OF YOU BE SANZO FOR A DAY! I WON'T LET YOU GUYS BE SANZO FOR AN HOUR!" Sanzo shouted.

Later that night. . . . . . .

"If is nice to be sanzo again," he said back in his robes.

"You have it rough sanzo, but you get the food, the respect, the babes," Goku said. "You have a pretty cool life."

"It's nice to be me," Hakkai said. He sat at the table and took a sip of his tea.

"I am soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo happy to be me," Goku said. "Being you is fun, but not always fun."

"Well, I guess you all learned you lesson and will never ask to be sanzo again," Sanzo said.

"Maybe," Gojyo said. "'cause the babes love a man in sanzo robes."

"You jackass," Sanzo said.

**Me- there you have it, the final chapter.**

**Maddie- (runs away crying)**

**Me- I think I need a hug.**

**Hakkai- (gives me a hug)**

**Me- I feel better. I thank all of our reviewers and hope that you look forward to our upcoming fanfic!**

**Goku- it'll be fun!**

**Gojyo- are there hot girls?**

**Me- yes. . . . .?**

**Gojyo- YYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!**

**Me&Maddie- PLEASE REVIEW!**


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